Socks

It has to be said...

I figured out why I love summer so much, besides the obvious; warm weather, beaches, flip flops, shorts, tank tops, sunshine, vitamin D, hot sultry days sipping iced tea with my feet up because I am simply too hot to want to move...

What it really comes down to is that I don't have to wear socks!

I HATE them!

Now, I know, some of you out there may be saying to yourself, "hate is a very strong word"  Yeah, it is, and it has muscles when it comes to my feelings about socks!

Let me break this down. All summer, I spend so much time trying to keep my feet looking nice and pretty, painting my toes fun colors, (sometimes spending a little too long in the polish section because I can't decide which colors I like best). Sometimes I even decorate my toes with rings, and it's fun!

We pay other people to pamper and spoil our toes, even giving them the pleasure of painting them for us. Hmph!

Right now, as I type this, I am barefoot and I love it, even though my toes are freezing.

I HATE socks.

A few reason's, and I know I am not alone in this. The dryer eats my socks, they don't come out in pairs, folded and ready to put away neatly in my drawer, my cat is playing tricks on me and has a secret stash of them somewhere inside my house or there is a sock thief in the neighborhood. Believe it or not!


I have a pair of Vibram Five Finger shoes, and I love them!  I feel more connected to the earth, but best of all... I don't have to wear socks with them! :O)   This makes me so happy!

Now, I just need to find some Five Finger rain boots, and winter boots.

I mean come on! all summer long, and now I have to hide my toes, with mismatched socks because I can never, never find their mates... Im holding out as long as I can. If you should ever see me with different socks on, you will know why.

Thanks for coming by. :O)

I just had to get this off my chest.

S

Loneliness

To have your arms wrap around me, to feel the warmth of your body pressed against mine helps me to feel whole, to feel loved, and to feel not alone.

These things I crave deep into the depths of my very being. 

It is not that I am not complete without companionship, it is the feeling of total connection with another human being that I long for.

It is not that I can't warm myself with blankets and clothing and fire,  it is that I yearn for the heat of your heart.

It is not that I can't find laughter outside of my world, it is that I lust to laugh with you.

It is not that I can't enjoy a meal alone, it is that I hunger to share life's flavors.

It is not that I don't shed a tear when alone, it is that I want for your arms around me, knowing it is much to much to ask, afraid to even think it aloud, am I even entitled to ask.

It is not that I can't succeed alone, it is the fact that to share with someone my dream in life being fulfilled, 

it is not the same alone.

It is the thought of a kiss, I never knew I would forget 

the feel of another's lips

upon mine.

It is this loneliness that is consuming me, wondering where you are you wondering if I even exist at all.

Upstart Crow...

My latest story in the Eugene Daily News... I am reaching out for my friends and asking for help for them.  Please help if you can.  Such a worthy cause! The owner, Eularee collects no money, yet she has some how kept this place going for 13 years!  Amazing she is. I had the utmost pleasure of meeting her.  I told her how lucky the children are to have her and Upstart Crow... She replied... It is I who is the lucky one....

Sandy Harris

Sandy Harris is a writer for Eugene Daily News. Currently a resident of Brownsville, Oregon. Sandy grew up on an island in the Alexander Archipelago in the southeastern region of Alaska. Her life's passions include writing, photography, and cedar carvings. Follow her on Blogspot (http://sandralynnsphotography.blogspot.com/).

Upstart Crow Studios is a non-profit youth performing arts organization. Teaching and inspiring hundred’s of children, in music, vocal, dance and acting, who may not have had an opportunity to learn and perform without them.

Upstart Crow Studios was founded in 2000 by Eularee Smith and her daughter Sarah Beth Byrum. They started the company out of frustration for the children who did not test high enough on the TAG system (Talented and Gifted (TAG) Education serves the purpose of providing instruction that challenges high-end learners and meets each students learning needs.  Resources and support materials for districts, schools, teachers, parents, and students are included) in their schools.

“Every child is gifted and talented. No child is turned away at our school of theatrical arts.  If they audition, they get a part regardless of talent, challenges or financial need.  We fit the child to their particular strength. In typical auditions, you try out, all but one is eliminated for a particular part. Our goal is placement, not elimination. We may need to get a little creative if we have 10 Cinderella’s, but we manage.” Smith smiles at the thought.

“Our students know they may need to be the strength for the next person”

Behind the name: A jealous critic of Shakespeare called him “an upstart crow, made beautiful with our feathers, believes he can bombast out a verse as the best of you.”  Crows are seen as ordinary black birds. Well, that’s who our kids are; everyday kids, ordinary, until they step out on a stage and prove to the world and to themselves, there is more to them than meets the eye.

Upstart Crow performs approximately 6 “full scale Broadway shows” per year.  Show’s that are performed on Broadway, are performed on stage at The Crow.  Show’s such as Annie, Legally Blond, Sweeney Todd, Aladdin, and Peter Pan to name a few. All of the performers are children, ages ranging from 5 years up to the age of 18. Upstart Crow is unique in this way, Broadway show’s have adults playing adult rolls and children in their age group. In it’s first year, Upstart Crow started with 10 children and now have approximately 300 students per year.

Eularee Smith founder of Upstart Crow

Eularee took me on a tour of their facility and it is quite evident her feelings for these children.  She pointed out to me pictures of children that are now adults, who have either graduated or will be graduating high school this year.  She has literally watched them become young adults. Summer of 2013, Upstart Crow will begin their first adult theatre.  This was decided after graduating students voices were heard. They didn’t know what they would do without The Crow, as it has been a part of their lives for so long.

In their early years, they were nomads, moving from facility to facility, temporarily finding places that they could call home. Upstart Crow found it’s permanent home 6 years ago in the Whitaker neighborhood.

“We found a home where we were needed the most.”

Making improvements to the building over the years, they are getting closer to their goal. There are however a few very much needed improvements remaining on the list. They are in need of a new stage floor.  The one they have now is functional, but to have a safer floor for the performers is vital. The entrance to the theatre needs to have wheelchair access. The theatre is accessible from the front door; however attendees must go through class rooms in order to get to the theatre, this may pose a problem when a class is being held during a show.  A panic door is on the list of improvements.  They have a contractor in the wings donating his time to relocate and install a new door once it is purchased.

Upstart Crow’s current monitoring system

Lastly, they are in need of a monitor system. They are pretty much blind back stage as to what is happening on stage, limiting performers on their cues to enter the stage, communication, you name it. Their current monitoring system is a small television set, and a small camera mounted in the theater, capturing only a small part of the stage.

They have learned how to manage by trial and error, but it is quite obvious how they would benefit from a new system back stage. As Smith put it,

“the show must go on, but it would be much nicer of course to have a monitoring system in place.”

Upstart Crow is funded by student tuition, private donations, and grants, however the grants are quite small as the organizations give more money to the larger companies. They also rent out their studio and theatre space, whether it is a one time rental or an on-going event.  All That Dance is one company that rents space from Upstart Crow. 

Scholarships are available (which many children are on) as well as a sliding fee scale for children or families who can’t afford the tuition. No child is turned away. As you walk through the studio, you will see signs posted, reminding people to turn the lights off when leaving a room to conserve energy and costs.

“it is hard keeping the lights on at times, but we manage” Smith states.

A few students wanted to share their experience with Upstart Crow:

“I only graduated last year and have been with the theatre for over six years.  There’s so much I could say about the Crow, they’re more than a theatre for me.  Upstart has been a community of support, a family, a home.

They’re the nicest people you will ever meet and they give you so much more than an opportunity;they give you a place you belong. The studio will literally do anything they can to help someone succeed, and I hope that everyone will take this chance to help them fulfill their dream too.” – Holly Flora

“Theatre at Upstart Crow is fun and rewarding. It helped me realize my passion for the stage.”        – Aidan Ziegler-Hansen

“I started at Upstart Crow when I was 7 years old and they have taught a lot about how to be a better actor, singer, dancer, and person.  They opened my eyes to the passion that I had for acting. They gave me the opportunity to be in my first play, Aladdin, as a second grader.  Over the past 8 years I’ve become a confident actor and person because of what I’ve learned from them.” – Conner Criswell

It is evident the impact Upstart Crow has made on the lives of these children.

Artwork done by artist from the Restorative Justice program – working to keep juvenile offenders out of jail.

You will see artwork on the wall’s, painted by an artist from the Restorative Justice Program.  There is so much talent out there that goes un-recognized, because these children don’t “fit in”, whether it is social, economical or grade point averages. Upstart Crow is changing that. 

“Every child’s voice is heard when they walk into the crow” Smith stated.

The next performance at The Crow is The Elves and The Shoemaker showing December1st – 2nd and 8th – 9th.

Upstart Crow needs our help.  They need to raise $6,500.00 in order to get that stage floor, the panic door and monitoring system for these children. They must reach their goal by November 22nd, otherwise no money changes hands.

Kick starter is a funding platform for creative projects. Launched in 2009, it is an all-or-nothing donation platform.  If the goal is met, or exceeds the goal, then all credit cards are charged and a check is issued to Upstart Crow.  Donations can be made at http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/890933933/the-crows-nest-project-feathering-the-nest.

For more information please feel free to email or call Eularee Smith at 541-688-8260. Visit their website at upstartcrowstudios.com 

Upstart Crow Studios is located at 855 W 1st. Avenue Eugene, Oregon.

Touch, when there are no words.

Touch,

We can't live without it.

Our first touch is from our mother while in the womb, we feel her caress when she rubs her belly, swelling with our growth, loving us beyond belief, finally she holds us in her arms.

We grow up with touch, from our family and our friends. We learn relationships, we have ups and downs, we cry... we need hugs, we laugh... sometimes we need hugs.

Sometimes when we are in a relationship, we take those touches for granted, until they are no longer there, and what a shame if they never were to begin with. What we would sometimes give to feel those arms around us once again.

Touch can reach right into the depths of our being and take hold, once again helping us to feel whole, possibly filling a space that has been empty for a while. Giving us courage that we didn't know we had.

I recently went to see my friend Marli. The first thing I did was take her hand into mine and squeeze. I remember how delicate and pale and warm it was. I looked into her blue eyes so I would see her and she could see me, the touch not going unnoticed by either of us, more powerful than words, not needing more attention than that.

We spoke for a little while, a smile had changed the tone of our conversation for the briefest moment of time and then it was time for me to leave.

I didn't want to go.

There were unspoken words in that room and my heart was breaking. I wrapped my arms around her, cradling her head in the palm of my hand, holding on a little longer this time as I whispered.

"I will see you later"

I didn't want to let go, and that turned out to be one of the hardest things I have had to do in my life.

I felt her squeeze me a little tighter at that moment. I looked into her brilliant blue eyes one last time and without a word I was gone.

I will never look into those eyes again, nor hold that hand. My friend passed away only a few short hours later.  I will miss her dearly.  But I will always remember those moments between her and I, when no words were needed.

Hugs,

S

Time.

A recent conversation with my friend made me think about time and what it means, or what is it, if that makes sense?

Really, if you stop and think about time, it gets pretty deep. Or in my opinion, it's pretty simple.  My first order of business was to google it!

Time rules our lives, it rules when we plant and harvest our crops, it measures the length of our lives and it measures the distances that we travel in our lives or across continents.

Time guarantees almost to the second how long to cook an egg (which I still can't figure out how to make the prefect egg without a green ring around it) to it's perfection, whether it is soft boiled, hard boiled or over easy.

We wear funny gadgets on our bodies and place round fancy objects on our walls to help us keep track of time. We have time machines on our phones, on our computers (did you just look to see what time it was?) in our vehicles and cooking appliances and sometimes even in our showers.

Our bodies are dependent on time. We eat, sleep, shower, and work by time. We make time for others, some times people don't have the time to make for others, we have our alone time and we have our down time. Children today, even have time out.

We measure our seasons by time when the sun sets and when it will rise again.

We celebrate our births each year with a round orb and lit sticks of wax stuck in it, marking our time here on this wonderful planet we call home.

If you remember, about two minutes ago I wrote that I googled time.  This is what I found; you may be surprised, I was.

Wikipedia: Time is a dimension in which events can be ordered from the past through the present into the future....

"I told you it was deep"

In old sailing movies or nautical movies, you will see candles burning or that have in past times, been burned, the wax melted down the sides of the candle, frozen in time.... you are seeing this picture in your head now, I know it! :O).

In all my years, I thought it was because they had no electricity! Probably so, but they were also used to measure time.....

Some of the most ancient "time pieces" were found in the tombs of great Pharoahs. Was this to measure the time that it took to get to the other side?

 "Time heals all wounds"

I would really like to know when that time comes! Because sometimes it feels like an eternity before I will once again be able to breathe, once again feel like I can smile without crying, once again feel whole.

"Time has been kind to her" or "he has had a rough time of it" or "got a sec?" or "do you have a minute?"

We have all said these things or thought them or heard them at one point in our lives.... That really is all we have, isn't it?

We have the time from the moment we are conceived until the time we exhale our last breath.

The question then becomes,

What will you do with your time?

Cherish the time you have and how you spend it, and take nothing for granted. It's that simple.

Hugs,

Sandy

A box of apples

It has been a couple of weeks since I have been on here, writing for me and for you. You see, the way this works is it comes from my heart. Anything and everything I do, comes from the deepest part of my heart, otherwise, it doesn't mean anything to me and it won't truly reflect who I am.

As some of you know, I am now freelancing for Eugene Daily News and I love it! I get to do exactly what I love! I love people, I love information, I love writing, I love photography and I love to share it.

This is exactly why I started my own blog. To share what I love so much. I love deeply. You may have heard me say that a time or two, and sometimes I love a bit too much maybe, is that possible? No.

My story begins this last Thursday when my landlord (I really hate that term but it's all i've got Scottie!) and friend Sonja came walking across my yard carrying a brown box.... Hmmmm, my mind was reeling, what could be in there I wondered in the few moments it took her to cross the great expanse of green.

The box was half full of the palest light green apples I had ever seen!

"I have all these apples and was wondering if you would like them to make applesauce, have you made it before?" she asked.

"I can learn!" I replied with a smile on my face, showing my excitement.  She really liked my response!
"I can learn!" she repeated with a smile.

 I can learn anything or at least I am going to give my all and see how it turns out.

The weekend went by with record temperatures for the year at 104 degrees... too hot to heat up the kitchen, so there my apples sat, waiting and calling my name, and I looked into the box every time I came in and went out of my front door, promising to get to them.

 I would... but im scared! I have never done this before! what if I mess them up? I always look at something from every angle before I jump in to make sure I jump in at the correct spot! (I think it's a Libra thing.)

Today, when I woke, I decided to go for a bike ride when it was cool and get my exercising out of the way (I had been going in the afternoon or evening, which nearly gave me heat stroke)  It was a bit chilly if you don't mind my saying! I road hard and fast trying to get home, ignoring the pain in my ear's as the wind pounded thru them, and the burn in my thighs as I peddled up the hill's.

Later that morning Fed Ex had arrived with my recent order of photographs that needed to be delivered to town.  I needed groceries so I made a trip to the store as well.  (I was brave and passed by the bismarks! and the chips! and the cookies! I have will power when I want it  It's all about the goal)

I am getting way off subject, well kind of, but you will see in a bit where I am heading.

I loaded my groceries into my car and took the cart back, and before I closed the car door, I peered into my paper bags to make sure I didn't buy any snacks I had forgotten about, just in case for the ride home.  No, just full of fruit and vegetables! I closed the door and I must have looked like a little girl who had just lost her balloon. I got in my car and drove the 40 minutes home.

A friend of mine called and asked if he could swing by with a magazine he wanted to give me.
"of course!" my light is always on, but I can never guarantee the maid has visited that day (sometimes she has really fun stuff to do).

Dennis came by with the magazine as promised and he brought a bag with beautiful yellow squash and cucumbers from his garden. I love vegetables! We chatted a moment, I thanked him, I got a hug and off he went.

As I closed the door, I looked down, and what did I see? A little brown box full of apples staring right back up at me!

So this is it! I said to myself.  I put my CD of Yanni in, poured myself a glass of chardonay, picked out the prettiest apples I could find, rinsed them as I put them into the sink, put the lemon juice in a bowl, got my cutting board and my peeler and knife out and I was ready to rock this applesauce!

I couldn't do it! They were so pretty I couldn't bare to slice into them!

"Are you kidding me?" ahahaaha.

I seriously had a hard time deciding which apples to make into applesauce, and I started to get teary eyed, ok, it was a little bit more than that but for the sake of the children who might read this, I need to keep it clean. I grabbed my kitchen towel to dab the tears and I hear a knock on my door!

Are you kidding me? right in the middle of my meltdown over which apples to peel and dice for applesauce? quickly I tried to compose myself and answered the door.

There stood my landlord Sonja with vegetables from her garden for me! I nearly lost it!

I told her I was just having a meltdown trying to figure out which apples to use. We went thru her instructions for the applesauce real quick once again, all through sniffles and smiles.  I thanked her again and inside I went.

How I decided to work through my heartache of which apples to cut up; I decided to go for the ugly ones! Brilliant, don't you think?  No, they were even uglier on the inside! So I grabbed my peeler and grabbed the biggest prettiest apple and went for it!

As I write this, my applesauce is simmering on my stove, cinnamon and brown sugar melding with the apples and the smell of apple pie is wafting through my house,  and I am extremely proud of myself! It is a beautiful thing!

I realized, it was not the apples I was crying about. Yes, they are pretty and the only thing they would ever be good for is... applesauce.

I was crying because I am truly truly blessed in my life. I am doing what I have ALWAYS wanted to do, always! From the time I was a little girl and I have always had to put myself and my dreams on the back burner. Now, it is my turn.

These past few years have been rough, don't get me wrong, but the people I have met who have been there to encourage me, to give me a hug when it was obvious I needed one, to bring me vegetables from their gardens, to trust me as a complete stranger, to let me cry and to simply hold me when I did, and to take a chance on someones dream, I thank you.

I am truly blessed to have you in my life, and for those of you who are not here with me now,  I have not forgotten you and I think of you often. It saddens my heart to know I can not share my dreams with you right now as they come to fruition, but please know that you played a very important roll in helping me get to where I am right now in my life.

What have I learned today? That life is like a box of apples....... eventually, you will reach your goal, there may be tears along the way, but you will get there. I promise.

Hugs ~

S