A box of apples

It has been a couple of weeks since I have been on here, writing for me and for you. You see, the way this works is it comes from my heart. Anything and everything I do, comes from the deepest part of my heart, otherwise, it doesn't mean anything to me and it won't truly reflect who I am.

As some of you know, I am now freelancing for Eugene Daily News and I love it! I get to do exactly what I love! I love people, I love information, I love writing, I love photography and I love to share it.

This is exactly why I started my own blog. To share what I love so much. I love deeply. You may have heard me say that a time or two, and sometimes I love a bit too much maybe, is that possible? No.

My story begins this last Thursday when my landlord (I really hate that term but it's all i've got Scottie!) and friend Sonja came walking across my yard carrying a brown box.... Hmmmm, my mind was reeling, what could be in there I wondered in the few moments it took her to cross the great expanse of green.

The box was half full of the palest light green apples I had ever seen!

"I have all these apples and was wondering if you would like them to make applesauce, have you made it before?" she asked.

"I can learn!" I replied with a smile on my face, showing my excitement.  She really liked my response!
"I can learn!" she repeated with a smile.

 I can learn anything or at least I am going to give my all and see how it turns out.

The weekend went by with record temperatures for the year at 104 degrees... too hot to heat up the kitchen, so there my apples sat, waiting and calling my name, and I looked into the box every time I came in and went out of my front door, promising to get to them.

 I would... but im scared! I have never done this before! what if I mess them up? I always look at something from every angle before I jump in to make sure I jump in at the correct spot! (I think it's a Libra thing.)

Today, when I woke, I decided to go for a bike ride when it was cool and get my exercising out of the way (I had been going in the afternoon or evening, which nearly gave me heat stroke)  It was a bit chilly if you don't mind my saying! I road hard and fast trying to get home, ignoring the pain in my ear's as the wind pounded thru them, and the burn in my thighs as I peddled up the hill's.

Later that morning Fed Ex had arrived with my recent order of photographs that needed to be delivered to town.  I needed groceries so I made a trip to the store as well.  (I was brave and passed by the bismarks! and the chips! and the cookies! I have will power when I want it  It's all about the goal)

I am getting way off subject, well kind of, but you will see in a bit where I am heading.

I loaded my groceries into my car and took the cart back, and before I closed the car door, I peered into my paper bags to make sure I didn't buy any snacks I had forgotten about, just in case for the ride home.  No, just full of fruit and vegetables! I closed the door and I must have looked like a little girl who had just lost her balloon. I got in my car and drove the 40 minutes home.

A friend of mine called and asked if he could swing by with a magazine he wanted to give me.
"of course!" my light is always on, but I can never guarantee the maid has visited that day (sometimes she has really fun stuff to do).

Dennis came by with the magazine as promised and he brought a bag with beautiful yellow squash and cucumbers from his garden. I love vegetables! We chatted a moment, I thanked him, I got a hug and off he went.

As I closed the door, I looked down, and what did I see? A little brown box full of apples staring right back up at me!

So this is it! I said to myself.  I put my CD of Yanni in, poured myself a glass of chardonay, picked out the prettiest apples I could find, rinsed them as I put them into the sink, put the lemon juice in a bowl, got my cutting board and my peeler and knife out and I was ready to rock this applesauce!

I couldn't do it! They were so pretty I couldn't bare to slice into them!

"Are you kidding me?" ahahaaha.

I seriously had a hard time deciding which apples to make into applesauce, and I started to get teary eyed, ok, it was a little bit more than that but for the sake of the children who might read this, I need to keep it clean. I grabbed my kitchen towel to dab the tears and I hear a knock on my door!

Are you kidding me? right in the middle of my meltdown over which apples to peel and dice for applesauce? quickly I tried to compose myself and answered the door.

There stood my landlord Sonja with vegetables from her garden for me! I nearly lost it!

I told her I was just having a meltdown trying to figure out which apples to use. We went thru her instructions for the applesauce real quick once again, all through sniffles and smiles.  I thanked her again and inside I went.

How I decided to work through my heartache of which apples to cut up; I decided to go for the ugly ones! Brilliant, don't you think?  No, they were even uglier on the inside! So I grabbed my peeler and grabbed the biggest prettiest apple and went for it!

As I write this, my applesauce is simmering on my stove, cinnamon and brown sugar melding with the apples and the smell of apple pie is wafting through my house,  and I am extremely proud of myself! It is a beautiful thing!

I realized, it was not the apples I was crying about. Yes, they are pretty and the only thing they would ever be good for is... applesauce.

I was crying because I am truly truly blessed in my life. I am doing what I have ALWAYS wanted to do, always! From the time I was a little girl and I have always had to put myself and my dreams on the back burner. Now, it is my turn.

These past few years have been rough, don't get me wrong, but the people I have met who have been there to encourage me, to give me a hug when it was obvious I needed one, to bring me vegetables from their gardens, to trust me as a complete stranger, to let me cry and to simply hold me when I did, and to take a chance on someones dream, I thank you.

I am truly blessed to have you in my life, and for those of you who are not here with me now,  I have not forgotten you and I think of you often. It saddens my heart to know I can not share my dreams with you right now as they come to fruition, but please know that you played a very important roll in helping me get to where I am right now in my life.

What have I learned today? That life is like a box of apples....... eventually, you will reach your goal, there may be tears along the way, but you will get there. I promise.

Hugs ~

S